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| Do not tell me you're Fine: I don't speak that langauge.Times we have a sorry existence
And we say we'll change
Tomorrow
So today they act the same
Refuting parts of their sorry existence with unreasons, contradictions, and exceptions of the Nth kind.
I just want us to know:
I'm trying.
There are so many excuses, but none of them are aside from the truth
I am not just here for a moment
Gods do not take breaks from being Holy
They make Holy what is them, though
So if this is the case, then I'm still striving for a Holierness
And I will have an infinite amount of excuses while I fail
But I will never stop trying
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| Dreaming of HomeI take to daydreaming so far away from home.
Where is home?
I have dreams of meeting girls. Dreams cut short. Dreams of running to something... But what?
Day dreams of Space Benders and Time Benders...
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| So Rude! I don't know, sorry.I guess I make people feel dumb sometimes. Or maybe I make them feel ignorant-- something like that. I'm trying to decide how I feel about this. I think people fail to realize that this is never ever my intention; often the opposite, in fact. Obviously I need to think more before I speak. I haven't had much practice in this field.
A good portion of my life was spent with such a negative belittling point of view. As my paradigms realigned my views of myself and the world, respectively, changed. I was not who I how I thought I was. I'm not sure exactly what I thought then, nor do I know currently-- this is surely part of the problem.
I try my best not to compare my intellect to that of others, and this sort of causes me to insult people's intelligence, I suppose. I think I'll try harder to evaluate myself and be more respectful of other human thought patterns. I thought I was doing a good job, but apparently I can be mean, and come off as a know-it-all. This bothers me a lot, because, as mentioned, this is not my intention.
I wish I could better distinguish between what people consider facts and all of my knowledge. I'm not even sure how I retain so much, and I really need to do a practice retaining and expounding information more carefully. I'm going to try to think along the lines of soup questions. I'm still not sure if this a problem with information or knowledge.. or perspective..
I mean, maybe people shouldn't take things so personally? Since I can't ask this, I'll just keep trying to figure out what my problem is in the exact, and what my modes of action should be.
Sorry.
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| More MagicSitting in the twisted shadows of stained glass statue
A round table with others
The green and colored light spatters us
A warm dungeon room
My apparatus is explained and initiated
Spinning ever faster, distorting shapes, creating its own light
Then silence... A pregnant pause permeates the air
And an explosion of money flutters through the air
Walls disappear and we're giggling, grasping assorted paper from around the world
Moments later the opposition joins in on the fun
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| Know Thy DreamsI left my keys in my car. AAA sent a guy to break in. My dad's a member-- I'm not, but AAA asked him to do it anyway. He said, "This never happens, it must be my lucky day. Or unlucky, I can't tell"
Last night I was angry at myself again for smoking. I woke up coughing, confused, wondering when I'd done it.
I must have smoked after Death chased me. Death. Riding around on his horse. On his horned elk. Gliding listfully after me; unseeing. A dog kept barking and chasing off Death. I don't remember seeing the dog though. I was afraid. Afraid that Death was going to hurt me. I wasn't afraid for my life...
All week I've been stressed and anxious. I know/imagine there are reasons for this, but I don't remember the last time I was out of sorts like this.
Most night I pray to wake up. I pray that I remember my dreams and write them down. Knowing them though, that's another topic. How? Why? And to what end? I have answers, but these questions are not problems requiring solutions.
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